Q: My older two are jealous of the second two and are rebelling. I used to work and mom took care of them but a I’m a SAHM now. My hubby is not a help and doesn’t see kids or home as his responsibility.
A: The oldest two do not have enough attention from you, and disrespect comes from the fact that they were raised by someone else. It is good that you are a SAHM now but you are desperately in need of quality time with them. You need time to play with the first two or do whatever it is that they want to do with you. You need to replace those years that were lost and just be there for them, build that relationship. They need attention from you. Keep the younger two occupied so that you can play some board games, etc with the first two. And personal one on one time with them is very important as they grow older.
Secondly, don’t bother too much about schedules or routines. Those are not important in building a relationship and the contrary will happen if you try to be strict with them. It will just stretch your relationship with them even further. The temptation is to busy yourself with small details like these that you are too busy for them again. Take time off school and housework, and just go to the beach as a family and have some quality time for a couple of weeks. Go for a relaxing holiday if possible — not about visiting places, which will just make you busy again, or going to expensive hotels and restaurants that take a toll on your wallet but more nature stuff do you guys can just be a family again. Very educational too.
Thirdly, what I found helped was that the younger would give the older presents. This is something I came up with but really transforms everything. We had to do this from the very beginning — when the child is just born — holding the baby’s hands and giving the present to the older siblings shows that it is from the baby and not from you. This may not need to be birthday or Christmas (although they do give older siblings presents then as well) but this is just an arrival present. So when the baby comes, all siblings gets a present from the baby. They don’t feel threatened by the baby that way. I know it’s been some time, but it is not too late to start giving older siblings gifts. And make it a good gift since they are older and can understand more now. And make it frequent to cover for all the times that she has not given earlier. The later more frequent gifts can be smaller gifts but birthday and Christmas gifts are good gifts. All my kids give each other presents on Christmas and on birthdays, the birthday person gives other siblings small gifts too, like as a thank you for helping in their birthday party or for coming. This will reduce jealousy like a ton.
Try some Family Adventure Challenge. I’ve only tried the couple one but I think a family one is what you need. You can also play certain games when the kids are older like Among Us. Maybe go on YouTube and see what families play.
Keep a close watch on the oldest two. They said if you can fix the first kid, the rest will follow suit. So please, please, please, take him on dates.
As for your partner, that is old fashion thinking and he needs prayer. But there’s only so much you can do. |
